A. Music B. Misery [entries|friends|calendar] GunskillGirls [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i wish i knew how to quit you. [09 Jul 2006|01:13pm] Tell me what you HONESTLY think about me. Be as brutal or as sweet as you want. You can do this anonymously or public. Your choice. 10

erase the past [25 Jun 2006|01:09am] "email me dirty pictures of you with my name in marker everywhere, i get crazy thinking about your eyes when you cry, i miss you all wrong"

Sandpaper and Silk [25 Jun 2006|12:42am] [ music | Pardon me- Incubus!!! ] I hate when you listen to a song, and it reminds you about everything in youre life that makes you hurt, sad and makes you want to leave. It reminds me of everything about him that I don't want to remember. Whenever I hear this song I wanna cry and lock myself up and never breath fresh air again, it makes me feel like I don't deserve to. This song makes me want to run to him and cry, and throw myself at him, I wanna get on my knees and break down and tell him everything thats inside me, tell him why and how much I love him, It makes me wanna understand how I feel. But in the end it also makes me wish everything with him never happend, and that I could walk past him on the street or catch him in the corner of my eye downtown and not even know who he is or even think twice about him. I hate it and I hate him, at the same time I love him with every muscle, inch and feeling in my body.

No bravery! [25 Jun 2006|12:33am] I'v relized I have been starting all these posts with 'I havn't been updating..' and now that am thinking, why the fuck do you care? haha. Alright so it's deathly warm. I'm sitting in shorts and a tee in the pitch black and it's boiling hot. I'm not going to be able to handle this, this summer is going to be hell. BUT I GOT GOOD NEWS, I'M GOING TO L.A! and disney land, and hollywood, what the hell eh? isn't that amazing, My parents just told me were going to plan it, were driving though. I don't mind, because am a little scared to fly. So today at about noon, I relized, I hadn't thought about him all that day untill that moment, whice is rare, because i'v since i'v meet him, I can't remember one day i'v gone without him on my mind, so I'm quite proud. Now if only Aly would get her ass online so I could complain to her about how much I miss him. poopie. It kills me sometimes, because all I wanna do it talk to him, about everything, but I know it bothers him..and I know I should give up because It won't ever happen, ever! But I can't do that, because he won't tell me whats on his mind, therefore, maybe just maybe, theres a tiny string of hope? all I want is him to be happy and for me to be happy, maybe.

you can't go home again. [23 Jun 2006|12:42pm] wish list;; ♥ 1. nicole sunglasses - tortoise&&pink $8 each! from fredflare.com 2. plush cell phone bed - SALE $9.99 from fredflare.com 3. iced hoodie&&teeshirt. $36+&18!! from fredflare.com 4. seven for all mankind- roxy strech jeans, skinny skins - grey! &165.00!!! 5. Primp, Bunny print thermal leggings - $64.00 6. Balenciaga handbag, seafoam - $669.00 ♥ !!!! fake id's get me into the barrr !!!

BOOTYBOOTYBOOTY! [21 Jun 2006|08:51pm] I hate with a passion, people who can throw away what you have so fast, or fake what you have. How can you date someone, and while youre dating that person..say yes to someone else who asks you out, and than not even break up with the other person. WHAT THE FUCK! YOURE DUMB! But whatever I can't even stress on this anymore, sometimes you and people like you make my life a living hell!! I don't suggest you try and agrue with me on this one or try and defend yourself, you fucked up and am not going to feel sorry for you or forgive you for this. Don't pull that 'Open realtionship shit' we already went through that and talked about it. on another not before I go tottally insane and rip my hair out, whice I don't really wanna do, because than it would take longer to grow. I'm failing english, Today was the last day of school and now I have to come in tomorrow and do fucking work. JWGDHGS I'm so stressed right now with like..everything, I just wanna..go to my dads, away from girls, boys and friends and school and parents and..everything!

seventy seven times [20 Jun 2006|09:05pm] I really suck when it comes to trying to loose weight, haha. I ate so much today, last block Kelsey, Coco and myself walked to the waterpark but first we went to mcdonalds because kelsey was hungry and we ended up getting like two extra large fries and drinks, and than we went to the dollar store and tired on creepy wigs and took pictures! and at mcdonalds, gee am so dumb, me and kelsey went into the washroom and I forgot my purse on the counter and some old lady was like 'I could have walked away with it' and than when we were leaving I left my sippy cup from Daryl on the counter and Kelsey had to tell me I forgot it, and Than I forgot my pen on the table in mcdonalds. so than, we walked over to the waterpark but it was sooo busy, full of little kids and there parents so we sat in a batting cage type thing and hung out for a while and than braden and braden came by and kelsey left to meet zac, and coco went back to the school and braden and braden left to go..somewhere..so I went to work and did some dish stuff and bagged bread, exciting, after that my engish teacher called me at work and said that I had to stay at school, even while everyone is..not in school and catch up, I didnt think I was behind..after work I went to my aunts to pick up some hanging basket flower things for my mom and I was gonna go to chapters but it would have taken to much effort. So I came home and..I went out again and ATE! and uhm...nothing really, I keep getting a really sick feeling in my stomach thinking about thing one of my friends told me..because I know its about the guy I like but she refuses to tell me, she says its about some guy I don't know, whice pisses me off because the way she says it lets me know she's lying, whice is fucking annoying, like just tell me, theres nothing I can do about it, except be mad at you for about a day, not like you care, i doubt you even like me as a friend, considering you get me to do everything for you and treat me like a dog. loveee youuu toooo, hugs and kisses, by the way I just rolled my fucking eyes!

Wild is the wind [19 Jun 2006|08:13pm] !@#$ Love me, love me Say you do Let me fly away With you We're creatures of the wind Wild is the wind Give me more than one grasp To satisfy this hungryness We're creatures of the wind Wild is the wind You touch meI hear the sound of mandolines You kiss me With your kiss my life begins Like a leaf clings to a tree Baby please cling to me We're creatures of the wind Wild is the wind You touch me I hear the sound of mandolins And you kiss me With your kiss my life begins Love me, love me Say you do Let me fly away With you

Nude as the news!!! [19 Jun 2006|07:48pm] This week: Monday: CC DD Tuesday: EE FF Wensday: GG HH Thursday: no school Friday: no school Monday: Math exam 9:00 am + Denist 10:00 am. (make new appointment!) Tuesday: Exams ( none for me ) Wensday: Exams ( none for me ) --- schools out --- ♥ !!! Okay, so I have like almost no classes left, I have Planning and surport, english and math!! and I only have one provincial exam! I'm stoked! So than schools almost out and I can go and see Ashley and than Reese!! and than hopfully I can be on my way up to peachland, The sooner the better, but I'm also applying for a job, considering I won't be working at Killer anymore like planned...I'm applying at KFC, hot damn! I really need to go shopping, I keep going shopping and I keep buying shit I won't ever wear, I bought a really tight pair of jeans but there kinda baggy at the bottom and the really restricting, not skrecthy like I usally buy, whice annoyes the hell outta me. I made a list of things to do in the summer with drew but we lost it, I know pretending to be hookers was on the list! and I have to see Daryl this summer or I will go insane. oh, any one wanna go camping, I REALLY DO! ps. ALY GUESS WHAT YOURE THINNER THAN ME, END OF STORY, I LOVE YOU! 1

I hope you choke..on every word! [19 Jun 2006|07:25pm] name: Harmony Caitlin age: 16 DOB: 3/9/1990 Height: 5'11 weight: 135 eye color: brown skin: Tan From: ireland Location: Canada Status: Taken! Favorite color: Teal&&lightblue Likes: I like my best friend, livejournal, skinny girls, ribs and hipbones, my cell phone&&ipod, my cute wallet from Daryl, my purses, sharpie markers, makeup, mirrows, charms, kfc, money, the country, camping, summer, the outdoors, learning!!, words and reading, music and new things, a certain dumb retarded boy, funny msn conversations, surious converstions, talking about jesus and the second coming of jesus, lollypops and school girl uniforms, jelly beans, halloween, first day of school, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake hollywood, dramaqueens && pro ana, lil jon&&usher ( L ) dislikes: TyPiNg lYKe dIs, FISH!! Big fatties, people who push you in full rooms, long lines, dirty fast food places, grease, gutterpunks, over hyped movies, good movies that are shitty, running out of yummy things, writting about myself, the black jubjubs and yellow lollypops, sissys and girlie girls, people who complain about dumb shit, most punks, annoying people at my school and that ugly chick with the blonde hair!

Ten bucks says you dont have it in you.. [18 Jun 2006|12:04am] BASICS/RANDOM: 1. name: 2. birthday: 3. place of residence: 4. what makes you happy: 5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: 6. do you read my lj: 7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it: 8. an interesting fact about you: 9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment: 10. favorite place to be: 11. favorite lyric: 12. best time of the year: 13. tell me something you've never told me before: 14. weirdest food you like: RECOMMEND 1. A film: 2. A book: 3. A song: 4: A band: PLUS 1. one thing you like about me: 2. two things you like about yourself: 3. put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you. 4. post a picture of you (if possible): 7

to be a good women [13 Jun 2006|04:32pm] I really want to and need to loose weight, I think atlest twenety pounds, yeah twenety pounds should be alright, before the school year starts. I really want sharp hips and a sharp collarbone, more than anything, If I get that I'll be happy, well actually I do want something more than I want to loose weight, but loosing the weight leads to the other thing I want, whice is a person..If I loose the weight, he'll like me more? cause i'll be thin and not a gaint chub-chub! I'v been looking for lots of thinsperation pictures and I found my favorite, well Aly sent it to me, Its what I want, hips like glass and a hollow stomach. Hunger here I come!!! 6

Maverick high [13 Jun 2006|09:34am] it's not showing any sign of slowing down, boys! says: we could be! here let me rephrase what i said.. i wish a flesh eating, std filled zombie would jump outta a bush, reach for my jugular and inbed his decaying fingers into my neck and pull out vital organs and yell 'surprise' tell me my whole life was a joke, while eating my eyes and than everything would end. better? 1

Bound to Happen [11 Jun 2006|11:44am] Last night I had a really hard night, I felt like a Junkie trying to get of smack and going through withdrawls, I couldnt breath, my chest hurt and it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. All I wanted to do what to cry, but do you think I could make that happen? no I couldnt try..I gave myself a headache forcing myself to cry, because I knew if I got that out of my system I'd be a bit better. All this, from trying to keep myself from phoning him! now imagine what I'd go through if I was told to try and clear him from my mind. I'd go into shock and have a heartattack, last night was the worst feeling ever, I needed my fix! His voice! Aly called me last night, oh my god, it was so exciting and random..I couldnt guess who it was and I was like erm..'who is this?' and she told me to guess, that shes from a different province and than I knew right away. She was at her friends, and I'm not excited to get that phone bill. I left the converstion to a short six minutes but I'm sure the bill will still come to a large sum of money, including all the text messaging and phone calls from other people, shit I'm going to get my phone taken away, and thats the last thing I want, therefore after this next bill am cutting down on my usage by like eighty nine percent, maybe. Anyways, Aly called and it made me really happy, I was tottally upset anymore and her friends talked to me and they were like 'we love you, be happy' whice hearing that made me feel really good. but than I told her to go on MSN cause I had to get off the phone, but she didn't oh well, I love her so much. Than..Daryl came online..I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone besides Reese, Ashley or Aly so I was kinda bitchy with Daryl, But I told her to call me because I felt bad for being a dyke towards her but she couldnt find her phone. so I went to go play video games, but I got distracted by a Hillary Duff movie, whice made me even sadder, because it was about some 'perfect man' and I was like, oh great..you fucking suck! so after that I just went to bed. I had the weirdest dream though, it felt so weird, in the dream I was getting my snake bites peirced and when I woke up those ares on my lip were aching and it was like a sharp pain, and now I really want my snake bites done, they looked hott in my dream, I think I might get them done this summer, when am in peachland or something. This summer I am supossed to spend lots of time with crystal in peachland, but she has a boyfriend now so I doubt everything we had planned will follow through, and I wanna see Daryl. I kinda want her to come to peachland with me. Also I have to spend time with Reese and Ashley, thats a given. Shit Reese is almost nineteen, soon hes gonna be in his tweneties and not wanna hang out with his kid cousin anymore, But I can't think of that right now. Also I HAVE to see my dad this summer, I want to see him more than anything, and this summer I promise to teach him to swim, I promise every year, but I never end up doing it because am afraid of the water, well I'm gonna suck it up and do it anyways. Also I'm getting my tattoo this summer, because I had to reshed my last ooptiment. I really wanna go camping this summer, with friends or someone, don't get me wrong I like camping with my family but..its so much more fun with friends, isnt it? well I guess this is a good enough post for now, I'll update more latley, even though no one reads this shit. 4

Ridin' dirty [09 Jun 2006|12:53pm] kay so I havn't updated in way to long, well I updated the other day but that doesnt really count cause I didnt have anything exciting to say..I still don't have anything exciting to say..ergh..oh well you know that clean slate thing I was yacking about in a few posts back, while im giving it a try..It can't be that hard..right? I'm getting my grades up..trying to anyways, Giving up any bad substances and anything that makes me a bad person, well trying! Trying really hard, I wanna be smart..well am not retarded but sometimes I just act like a tottal ditz, and I'm really not at all..He really likes smart girls anyways, whoever reads this should know who he is. I wish he'd understand that am doing this for him, but if I told him myself, he'd think I was creepy..I'm really actually trying to change for myself too! I wanna be a better, smarter and happier person, and that has to invole him..well I doubt i'll ever be able to have him..but..I wanna try anyways..I'm not changing myself one hundred percent, am still who I am..just..well okay, lets not call it changing..lets call it..finding the rest of myself, the better half of me! I'v been the bad half of me for too long..I wanna know get intouch with the happy smart and heathly Harmony, the Harmony everyone expects me to be. It's for the best! well..I guess i'v been ranting about that for to long now. Its almost summer..I'm kinda excited..at the same time iv made so many plans with so many people am sad to say half of them won't happen..argh!

Mean shots and cheap thoughts [07 Jun 2006|01:12pm] Yeah I reall suck at updating, but anyways here it goes, this weekend was..pretty bunk! I can't even get into details, lets just say it won't ever happen again..ever! I told a boy all my feelings for him and whatnot..but it seems I do that every month so thats not new! I stay home today because I woke and and the phone was ringing and I ran to the phone and than all of a sudden my stomach heaved, and I changed directions and ran to the bathroom and well, yummy! I vomited. wtf? I'm not even sure if that makes sense..I don't understand why! Daryls at school and I just got a package from her, but her dad told me to wait untill she gets home to open it..jeeeeeeze, I can't wait that long, because knowing her she'll go out after school..I want whatevers in the package. ahaha.

Day old hate [28 May 2006|09:47pm] no, im in love, head over heels, want to spend the rest of my life with, give my heart and soul too.. ******* ****** ******!!! im so lost! i know he cares for me but hed rather die than show it! he plays games with my head.. and and..yet, im in bloody love with the bloak! oh gosh! i have been, for three years, i lied to myself when i was with *****, made myself think i loved *****. told myself ******* wasnt good for me, i almost believe it, its true, but i wont ever believe it. i need him, hes my herion, my drug! You know what feeling you get!? don't you!? that unexplainable feeling, when your with someone you love!? and how much you hurt when something to do with them goes wrong!? iv lost my mind, im a mad women, in love. the worst kind, i must be with this boy! im sorry to go on like this, there worse things happing in the world right now. ergh, what did you do when i was gone!? i dont care if every other man on earth wanted me, i want him. i'm only sixteen but i know what i want, and i stand my ground when i say i love him. 1

[28 May 2006|08:34pm] I wanna start a clean slate, but I dont know is thats possible, because I would have to forgive everyone whos ever hurt me, whice is the point of a clean slate. How can I do that, when I cant even forgive myself for anything iv ever done! 1

GETETEGEGETEGETGCRUNK! [16 May 2006|08:16pm] i really need to updated more, well i just wanted to tell everyone that im dying from the heat, its soo hot and its not even really summer yet. WHICE MEANS ITS GONNA GET HOTTER. uhm Last weekend my cousin came over and we went to cliff falls. oh jeeze. GETTTTT CRUNK. haha. and uhm, before that was bradens 'party' it was cute! i have exams in a couple weeks, am excited for my math and english exam but everything else will suck..like planning, i hope we don't have an exam for planning..poop! well i'll update later when i have more too say, oh! oh! this may long weekend Mack wants to go to uhm sliver bridge. i guess thats kinda news?

Lover I don't have to love. [19 Apr 2006|03:30pm] Well Oh La La, I do have readers, one of my bestestets friends. HIII CYMMMM. shit son im lame. kay so anyways..i cant take pictures anymore, im so gross. Like im dying, something big is changing in me and i know its his flaut, before him i felt good about myself and now i doubt everything i do..but hes moving now so maybe things will get better, he'll be gone. I have to admit Im upset like a mofo but I'll get over it right, doesnt matter if we were the love of each others lives it was stupid and very 'highschool romance' so it didnt mean THAT much..did it? on another note i'm going to bright eyes in june, in victoria, just so happens to be where he's moving and where my bestests friend Daryl lives..but yes me and dani are gonna go to Bright eyes, i hope and i'll stay at her house and stuffa. 3

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